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Tennessee Honey has moved & changed names! Check out Somewhere Beaut to keep up with Lauren!

February 21, 2013

Go ahead, judge me.




I thought about not posting this, but then I thought, maybe I should let people see what goes on behind the blog and not just the usual fun, quirky stuff. I'll let ya'll see the REAL LIFE me. And I might lose followers, or even friends over this. But I'm speaking my mind today and I really don't care.

Here's the thing. I'm poor. My husband hates for me to say that because he says we aren't. But I have to disagree.
Do you know the last time I filled my tank up with gas? Me either.
Do you know the last time I cried about late bills? Today.
Do you know how ghetto I feel because we have to rely on taxes just to buy things we usually can't afford (like appliances, computers, lawn mowers, etc.) and then turn right back around and be poor again when it's all gone? Very ghetto.
Do you know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck? Or have to borrow money from family to pay for a tire or water bill? I do.

I've never put new tires on a vehicle before. Ever. If one goes flat, we buy a used tire that lasts about 6 months.
I don't know what it's like to be able to buy what I want, when I want it. This includes makeup, hair stuff, home decor, shoes, clothes, fingernail polish. You name it, I have to save up for it. Or wait until we have a little extra pocket change.
What we do depends on how much gas we can afford to get anywhere.

Do you know what it's liked to be JUDGED because you get financial assistance from the government???? I sure as hell hope not, but you know...there are some very judgmental assholes in this world. And I would just like to give a big middle finger in the air to you.
You think because I have an iPhone, tattoos, and (sometimes) nice looking clothes that I shouldn't be using food stamps? Let me explain something. My clothes come from my best friend, my family, or Wal-Mart. I literally can't remember the last time I bought any article of clothing for myself with my own money. My tattoos are usually from people I know who will give me a discount and I've saved up for them. PS-My most expensive tattoo was $50. Whooptydoo. Want to know why we have iPhones? Because we WANT iPhones. I didn't realize that since we are on Government assistance, I needed a dinosaur phone to prove how poor I am.
 You know what else? Sometimes, I buy wine or beer! *gasp!* I know....it should be so illegal that I get to enjoy things like that once in a blue moon just because I'm poor.
I don't think people understand what they are saying when they say things like "You shouldn't get that much taxes back" or "I'm so glad I work so YOU can stay at home" or "How's that insurance and food I'm working for so you can enjoy?". It's rude and hurtful. So just stop. 
Spend so much time improving yourself that you don't have time to judge other people. Seriously.

So there you have it friends. I'm a poor blogger. But you know what else? Most of the time, I'm pretty happy. Because I know I'M doing what I need for my family by going to school to better our future. I know (hopefully) our life won't always be a struggle and we will be able to provide better things for our children. And I will praise the Lord the day we are able to get off Government assistance. But I will NEVER EVER EVER judge anyone who is. Because I've been in their shoes and know what's it's like. Those of you who don't have to worry about money, can kiss it. YOU don't know what struggle is, therefore YOU do not have the right to judge those are ARE struggling.
Tennessee Honey

35 comments:

Angie G said...

You just keep on putting it all out there and being you, and the hateful people will go away. If you're going back to school so you can have a better future and doing your best to live within your means then I applaud you!

I also applaud you for this honest post! *hugs*

Amanda Schroeder said...

First of all, I think it's great you're venting. It allows people to relate to you. Don't be sorry to your readers. Because I LOVE when people are real...and not fake, hiding their true identity. I think people suck when they judge. And like that quote says, it defines who THEY are. I also think & know you're doing your best. That's what matters.

Kelsey Homolka said...

Preach it sis! I hate people who treat others different because they're on government assistance! I have taken a new perspective on g.a. because of your post! I was one of those people who was stereotyping g.a. people and I've now realized I need to stop. Just because you need the assistance doesn't mean you can't splurge and enjoy things once in awhile. I too have to save up but just because I'm not on g.a. doesn't mean I'm better than those who do need the help. You're a great person and you just keep rocking being you!

Mia @ The Chronicles of Chaos said...

Oh girl, I know exactly what you mean. Living paycheck to paycheck, thinking tax refund time is like a mini-Christmas, lol. We're in the exact same boat. And there are always going to be haters, but we'll just continue to do what we're doing, which is providing the best way we know how for our families. Big hugs!!! xo

2busy said...

I believe in a "hand up" not a "Hand out". Does that make sense? If you are working hard to get an education and doing all you can then get assistance, that is a "hand up". Those who sit at home without even trying are the ones who get on my nerves. I'm not judging...

When my boys were babies, my husband was in the Marine Corps. We were paid so little that we qualified for WIC. So, we were on a bit of government assistance at the time they were babies.

Chrissy Thomas said...

I could have written this exact post. Everything except the being in school or being on gov't assistance parts. But I think it's awesome that you are in school to try and get a better future for you and your family. Good for you for speaking out, girl.

amber.m said...

this is probably my most favoritist post you've ever done.

KatyK said...

Girl. I'm poor too. And I have a wonderful family that has gifted/handed down some nice stuff. I know I was judged when I was paying for groceries with food stamps, while carrying a coach purse. If you don't know someone's story I say hush your mouth.Lol don't worry about others. live your life hun.

Bri said...

Love. Been there, AM there.

Pee Ess. Just bought a set of tires WITH taxes..and it sucked! 520.00! WHA?!

Hannah/ Mommarazzi said...

I love that quote & its refreshing to see a post about real life stuff.

hannah

Emorie said...

As someone who recently had to drop out of college due to my financial situation, moved back in with my parents with my love (never thought I'd have to do that), am in crippling debt thanks to said incomplete college education, I can relate to this post on many levels. It sucks to be judged, especially for things that seem out of your control. I've lost quite a few friends since moving back home, who think I'm making poor life decision; in reality, it was my only option and something I am truly grateful for. I don't know what I'd do without family support right now. And I'm still happy. And I can't wait to get back to school. Anyway, what I really wanted to say... to see honesty from a blogger I happened to stumble upon (Pretty Living PDX sent me here!)is refreshing. You are lovely. You have loyal followers who are never going to judge you and love you, and you just gained another one!

xo
Emorie

MeetTheBrowns said...

Love this post so real!

Jen said...

I'm a new follower! I loved this post and think you are pretty awesome. :)

Tara said...

Very brave post, but know you are not alone. Pretty Living sent me!!

Karrie S said...

I've had medicaid most of my "adult" life because I had my daughter when I was 17. I've gone through some medical issues the last 2.5 years and had to apply for the Bridge Card (MI's "food stamps") I had WIC right after I had my daughter. There are so many people out there in our position. You aren't unique for being poor. You can tell you are ashamed of it tho. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Just because you don't earn as much as someone else, DOES NOT mean you are Less Than. I forgot what you said, but you said Ghetto-something. You are more fortunate than 80% of the world. You probably don't go to sleep with rats, and it seems like you have running water and electricity, and a car. A lot of Americans don't even have that. A lot of people are homeless right now, that would have NEVER been homeless 10 years ago before the housing crisis and this stupid Depression. Imagine how it must be in Africa, where your kids don't drink clean water.

I know how frustrating it is, but there is always someone that has it worse. I've had to borrow 3K from my parents last year while I've gotten back on my feet. But don't you dare feel bad for having an iphone and using assistance for food :) You are allowed to be happy, and there's NOT a big difference between a smart phone plan and a non-smart phone plan. F*** 'em. Every time I see a bitchy post on FB from my friends -the classic iphone and food stamps. I go off on them, because THEY DON"T KNOW YOUR SITUATION. I have my nursing degree, but I've been sick for the past few years. I didn't ask for this or plan for it to happen. I just don't want you to feel ashamed of yourself. You are bettering yourself for your family, and there are more people like us than you think :) You seem really smart and articulate, but hard on yourself. Don't let others bring you down. People that say those things, are ignorant. They hear shitty things that other ignorant people have said, and are unable to see the "big picture". You are def not a ghetto girl :) Most people who judge have more shit wrong with them, and in a twisted sick way, are just trying to put you down so they feel better. Be glad you're not them ;) I'm glad you shared this post. It was really brave! I can really relate. I'm the type of person that would turn around and say STFU, so that's why I think I don't hear those comments. Keep your chin up, and next time you hear something, imagine a 5 foot redhaired ill-tempered woman telling that person 7 different ways they are ignorant, and think about how you feel sorry for them. Really-they are the miserable people. You can always make more money and better yourself, but they will probably never change their ignorant thinking.

Stephanie + Walter said...

I do the paycheck to paycheck thing. And I am 27 and just recently moved back with my parents. People think that because I have a job that I should be out on my own, but I have student loan debt that I have to take care of so I can't afford to be on my own.

Don't worry about the judgmental people...they don't know anything. :)

Nikki Mitchell said...

It was nice to read this post to see that Im not the only one who feels this way and wants to vent about things like this.

Rebecca Jaffe said...

Your post is relateable to many, including myself. I grew up poor. Today we are in a slightly better situation but we also have more responsibility. Money is a precious commodity, but I hate that it has to be.
While it isn't right for those to judge, there are a lot of people who take advantage of the system. And it causes resentment on both sides. I'm not saying you do, it's just a harsh reality. The state of our society is in is so sad. Those who want jobs can't find one. Those who have jobs worry about keeping them. Everyone's backs are against the wall in one way or another.
But nonetheless, I applaud you for being open and honest. To tell the assholes who make harsh judgements to go to hell. This kind of mindset has to stop.

toplesshotdog said...

I have been there and I have one thing to say: it does get better! As long as you are happy everything else will fall into place. I wish you and your family good health, happiness and a little luck :)

toplesshotdog said...

btw Pretty Living PDX told me about your site!

Melissa Jo said...

Way to go and put yourself out there! Anyone that shames you, just didn't get it. It is OKAY for you to have and want "nice" things. The point is you actually paid for them.. you didn't take them unlawfully like many people do. I'm a new follower from 10 feet off beale!

aimymichelle said...

i'm no stranger to being poor. regardless i'm a saver not a spender. but when i was a kid we had nothing. i don't work right now because i can't find nanny work and i'm so blah with all the rejection. so its hard to get up and try again. but you made a great post.

Chelsea Melrose said...

Amen sister. My husband was laid off in December and can't find a job, which means our sole income comes me. As an RN, I make too much to qualify for government assistance. If I could get it, I would gladly accept it. We live paycheck to paycheck...even a little bit to help with groceries would be gladly accepted. If you want things and save for them, by all means, you should have them. Without judgment from anyone!

Shane Prather said...

Keep your head up doll! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel :)

xo Shane

Paula V said...

Love your honesty! The quote is dead on...judging a person doesn't define who they are...it defines who you are.

Rachel Murphree said...

Thank you for posting this! YES! I think a lot of people don't realize how close they are (often one paycheck, really) from having to rely on government assistance. The judgement that they pass is just sickening, and I am so glad that you gave such a human, likable face to a large group of people that are unfairly condemned. Kudos!
I'm a new GFC follower from a blog hop, and I look forward to reading more of your posts!
XO, Rachel
With Love, Rachel

ty said...

SO. MUCH. OF. THIS. I was on food stamps through law school. I was working quite a bit (bartending), but I couldn't make enough for rent and bills and books and food and LIFE. It bothers me to no end when people make sweeping generalizations about those on government assistance. If welfare ends anywhere, it should probably start with the rich.

Shesabigstar said...

Girl, I just stopped over here from Pretty Living PDX and I'm SO glad I did! This is the first post I read and I totally applaud your honesty, and YES, I do know what a lot of things are like. I think in reality, most people do. It's hard to admit, especially in this bloggy-blog world where everyone is showcasing the positives in their life every single day. Keep taking care of YOU and don't worry about what everyone else thinks... if they're so shallow to judge you then they're so not worth it! xo

Maria Malaveci said...

Thank you for posting this, and thank you for the quote as well. It is one of my favorites. Nobody has the right to judge anyone! Pretty PDX sent me over.

Samantha Davis said...

My ex was/is a judgmental guy. I really hate how I was tolerant and pretended to agree with how he thought poorly of anyone living off government assistance or benefiting from the help of someone with more money. UGH.

Then I realized that it's okay to want to help people who are in need. And it's okay to get help for yourself too when you need it.

Celia Houck said...

GREAT POST! All I can say is, things WILL get better. It seems like you have a supportive family around you and that will help a ton as well!

My family was knocked on their behind twice, neither of which we could have prepared for and I worked 2 jobs from the time I was 15 until I was 21. Then got knocked on our butts again.

I gave up college to ensure that I could help family in any way possible.

People really should think twice before they judge.

Keep your head up and you'll find your way. =)

meandmr.com said...

Newest follower here! I found you through the blog hop. You have a super cute blog, I can't wait to read more! You can find me at meandmr.com

-Melanie @meandmr.com

Myranda said...

We also live paycheck to paycheck and our tax refund was like Christmas! We used it to pay off 2 credit cards, just so our day to day stresses could be less. I know what it is like to instantly have a cashiers mood and attitude towards you change when you pay with food stamps, it sucks and sometimes I have my kids on my iPad Mini. Well guess what folks, it was free because I won it! But they don't know that, they just see me taking their hard earned money and spending $330+ on an iPad. Also iPhones are free these days, so I completely understand your struggle. I also love this post!

Jessica Eustace said...

This post is exactly what we are going through. We are in the exact same boat except we don't get any help from anyone. Before taxes and health insurance are taken out we don't qualify but once those things are taken out there isn't much left. Honey, we are two peas in a pod.

Chris said...

Screw what other people think. I think more people live paycheck to paycheck than you can even imagine. It's ok to get and have help when you need it. that's what the system is for. What matters isn't how big your house is or what kind of car you drive. What matters is that you are a decent and kind human being. What matters is that you are happy regardless of what you may or may not possess. Because of my job I deal with a lot of rich people and not all of them are happy, not all of them are kind and what good is a a big house, nice car and expensive designer clothing when you are miserable? Thanks for your honesty, keeping it real and for being brave enough to share!